World Leprosy Day 2010

Today is World Leprosy day, which is the culmination of world Leprosy week 2010, last year someone was diagnosed with the disease every two minutes that is 250,000 too many.

Leprosy leads to the loss of sensation in hands and feet, later the damaged nerves leads to the loss of use in muscles. Paralysis and deformations are common as is the loss of limbs. If medication is set in early the Leprosy can be cured before any serious deformation has occured. But if the damage has already been done then surgery can repair some of the damage and others might be helped by rehabilitation and/or protective footwear. LEPRA the charity is helping to eradicate and treat Leprosy in several countries around the world and educating the communities surronding people affected by Leprosy, to remove the stigma attached to being sick and how to prevent Leprosy

Please help them eradicate Leprosy and other diseases of poverty by sponsoring my London marathon you can easily Donate by clicking here.

A childs hand affected by Leprosy.

Belated Burns celebration with Haggis

The 25th of January is Burns Night in the UK, after the Scottish poet Robert Burns birthday, the night is celebrated by eating Haggis served with mashed potatoes and Swede, to this the others drank Whisky but as I can’t stand that stuff I stuck with Elderflower and Lime cider. For dessert we had Scottish mess, similar to Eton mess but with Whisky in it. Now I am not keen on offal food but I can honestly say Haggis was quite nice, would definitely eat it again.

Haggis

Scottish Mess

You can read more here how a Burns supper should be.

Serious marathon training from now.

Been going to a physio for my neck for some time, seen the orthopedist and done the x-rays from today all should be fine training for the London marathon in the end of April. So today I have started some serious marathon training, I want to break my PB and I want to do it properly, my aim is 4 hours exactly or less, but as long as it is less then last year I will be ok with the result.

So after a bit of a break I went out running today, it was hard going and I only did a short 5 km run. The legs felt fine, a bit of the stitches but not too bad, knee felt a bit odd but it always does and my right ankle gave me loads of pain the last 2 km. But these are normal things they happen to me regularly, I dreaded looking at the time though because it felt sooo slow like running in molasses…

But total shock I ran my third fastest pace per km ever and my second fastest 5 km time ever. I am gobsmacked, not been running for a while and the run felt a bit shit and then it went so well anyway

To be able to run better and more without injuries I NEED a new pair of shoes any of below will do
Asics GT 2140,

Nike Lady Air Zoom Structure Triax+ 12 eller

Saucony Pro Grid Omni 8 and a

balance board of some sort for my troublesome ankles.

Then what I really, really WANT to help me beat my PB is a

Garmin Forerunner 310 XT

Feel free to help out by giving, sponsoring or buying any or all of  it for me

The wonderful feeling of letting go.

When I was a child I fell out of a tree but I managed just to grab a branch. I hung there for a long time, terrified. The silence and the pain in my arms. And the pounding in my ears. And then I fell. I don’t remember what happened when I hit the ground. All I can remember now is the agony of holding on. And the wonderful feeling, the wonderful of letting go.

The Wisdom of Crocodiles

I feel very free today, and happy. On the underground today I just wanted to sing, and not quietly but belt out songs with energy all the way from my toes…I didn’t. I couldn’t stop smiling, bet my fellow commuters wondered what kind of a loony I was. Lock her up quick she is smiling soon she might even say something to us can’t have that on the tube, can we?

Looks more and more like my B plan is going to happen, this is going to be sooo much fun and I am so excited Although it is the most extreme of all my plans and means I really, really have to let go. So I am going to start ebaying my stuff, give away other things to charity and chuck out lots of crap. The most precious things will be sent to mum.

I have never been materialistic, although I had difficulties throwing things away as a child but that was more because I thought the things I threw had feelings and would be sad, lonely and hurt But I was never the type to buy clothes, handbags or shoes, and I reuse things until they literally fall apart…a safety pin is holding my £8 handbag together and I only own one pair of trousers which doesn’t need to be repaired. So I don’t have that much to get rid of in the first place, but ideally my life should fit in to two suitcases when I’m finished.

I am in a free fall, I don’t know when or where I will land, but guess what? I don’t care the pain of holding on is gone.

I’m getting stronger

I wake in the morning tired of sleeping
Get in the shower and make my bed alone
I put on my make up talking to the mirror
Ready for a new day without you

And I walk steady on my feet, I talk, my voice obeys me
I go out at night, sleep without the lights
And I do all of the things I have to keeping you off my mind

I talk about you now and go a day without crying
I go out with my friends now, I stay home all alone
And I don’t see you everywhere and I can say your name easily
I laugh bit louder without you
And I see different shades now and I’m almost never afraid now

Life is getting easier and easier now, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Everything will get better it will just take some time, I know that and I can feel it. I am actually quite excited about the future now, what it might have in store for me and where I might end up. I have quit my job and it feels so right, not got a new one yet but I have so much opportunities ahead it is really exciting.

Also one of my NYE resolutions this year was to look forward and forgive and forget the past, I am working really hard with this one. I even reached out further than I thought was possible for me, to show that I have moved on. Unfortunately my gesture was not met half way but instead pushed aside with conditions attached. I explained the hurt it caused me but have not heard a word since. Half way suspected I would not hear another word after saying how I felt, and I seem to be right in that assumption. So I have to continue alone, I can’t accept friendships with conditions, either one is a friend 100% and trusts each other or one is not friends, friendship is unconditional. It was also the only decision I had been actively responsible for in the last 9 months everything else has just been decided for me and I had accepted it. It was important for me to be able to make a decision, my own decision, equally as important as reaching out. It was a really painful blow, yet again not allowed to make a decision and clearly shown the other part wants to be in control and decide everything, this is just as painful as not being trusted.

But apart from that set back I’m standing up and I’m getting stronger, the days are getting longer and soon the sun will shine on me.

Extreme Weather Conditions…where???

For the last week it has been a bit colder than normal in the UK and we have had a little bit more snow as well. This mean the temperature has been varying between 0 to -6 ish and with snowfall of between 0.5 cm to about 30 cm. Being from Sweden I can tell you that this is NOT extreme weather conditions, it is not snow storms and blizzards and it is certainly not arctic conditions.

A snow storm or blizzard means very cold temprature (0 to -6 is not very cold) very heavy snow fall and very strong winds whipping up the snow. The strong winds make the snow feel like needles when they hit your cheeks, they cause snow drifts on the roads make them impossible to drive on 2 minutes after they have been ploughed. They also reduce your visibilty to a few metres. So to recap big soft snow flakes falling softly straight down is not a storm or blizzard.

Arctic conditions? I think not, how can media be sooo stupid and say we got arctic conditions because it is colder here than on the South Pole. Well hello it is summer in the South Pole at the moment, this means they got daylight and sunshine 24/7 down there at the moment.

But as long as they don’t call it extreme, arctic and blizzards I do believe they have the right to complain. UK is not used to this kind of weather which means, the cars, buses and trains have problems. Worse still the buildings are not made for anything colder than +6, single glazed windows, rotten and drafty window frames, no insulation in the walls, ceilings or floors. Heating is not included in peoples rent and when you turn them on it is really difficult to get your place warm as they are so shitty built. The water pipes and all other pipes are on the outside of buildings which means they freeze, so you are left with no water and a freezing flat. And not to speak about the cost of heating your flat, a cold winter easily adds between £20 to £300 a month on your gas or electricity bill. £20 a month equals radiator on for a few hours a day and will make your flat bearable if you wear thick clothes and extra woolly socks, a blanket and a hot water bottle. To get it snug like my parents house in Sweden would cost most people £300 a month with the radiator on 24/7, needless to say most do not have that kind of money to spend on heating.

Here I am really counting my blessings, I am one of the few people I know that have heating, hot water and electricity included in my rent. The temperature in my flat is lovely, I only need a blanket when I am in the sofa close to the window and it doesn’t cost me a thing extra.

Also still refuse to wear winter jacket, my knitted cardigan and scarf is enough when outside. I refuse to succumb to the winter we don’t have Soon it will be spring.

NYE and my New Year Resolutions!

New years eve was spent in south London in the company of very good friends. We ate a three course menu starting with delicious Jerusalem Artichoke soup with mixed mushrooms, thanks to Saga’s great cooking. The main was equally nice, potatoe wedges with pork filet in mushroom and cheese (and I think cream as well) with asparagus and salad on the side, cooked by the lovely host couple Åsa and Mattias. The dessert was pears in wine with ice cream and biscuits made by Johan, very nice as well but at this stage I had eaten to much and had no room left to put all in.

As we had some Finns amongst us we started to drink in the new year at 10.00 when it was 12.00 in Finland. Then just before 11.00 we listened to Jan Malmsjö’s rendition of  Lord Tennyson’s poem Ring Out, Wild Bells (see post below for the poem)  on Swedish television as is tradition in Sweden. Then we drank for the Swedish new year.

Just before 12.00 UK time we poured the champagne and went outside to see if we could catch a glimpse of some fireworks. It was freezing cold for being London and it even snowed a bit later on. After seeing a bit of fireworks we went in to defrost

So did I give any new years resolutions? Yes I did several actually, well hrm more than several actually…

I know some are completely against new years resolutions saying none given, none broken, others say I can stop with things anytime of the year why promise on NYE? Studies have also shown that January is a bad time for starting/stopping things. But I have always done so and most of my resolutions I actually keep. The trick is don’t be too hard on yourself, to me a slight improvement on something I promised is a slight success and not a total failure as others might see it. Also throw in some fun promises and goals this makes it more fun and they are easier to achieve.

So here I’ll give you a few of my 2010 resolutions;
Get a new job.
Become fluent in French.
Take 2 diving courses, probably Rescue Diving and Dry Suit (dry suit to dive Swedish wrecks) just need a diving buddy to do the courses with to make it more fun. Do you dive? Want to join me?
Be more environmentally friendly.
Buy more fairtrade.
Sleep more and better.
Beat my PB in the London Marathon.
Get a tattoo.
Look forward, forgive and forget the past.
Change my hair colour and maybe a different hair cut.
Go to Greece and visit my friend there.
Enjoy life.
Save some money….hehehehe always fail on this one
Keep on climbing, maybe even one or two more courses in climbing.
Travel somewhere properly, maybe Brazil, Vietnam, Cambodia, Indonesia or Thailand…Sun, fun and diving.

So that was a few of them, not going to bore you with the whole list and some are too private to share. As you see some of them are fun and others are not difficult, more environmentally friendly for exampel is easy peasy, buy less, recycle more and use less plastic and whey-hey you’re on your way. I like having many because they give me goals, things to focus on and it feels nice when I have succeeded with a few of them.

Do you give resolutions? Why? Why not? And if you did what are they?

Ring Out, Wild Bells

Ring Out, Wild Bells

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land…

Nyårsklockan

Ring, klocka, ring i bistra nyårsnatten
mot rymdens norrskenssky och markens snö;
det gamla året lägger sig att dö…
Ring själaringning över land och vatten!

Ring in det nya och ring ut det gamla
i årets första, skälvande minut.
Ring lögnens makt från världens gränser ut,
och ring in sanningens till oss som famla.

Ring våra tankar ut ur sorgens häkten,
och ring hugsvalelse till sargad barm.
Ring hatet ut emellan rik och arm
och ring försoning in till jordens släkten.

Ring ut vad dödsdömt räknar sina dagar
och forngestaltningar av split och kiv.
Ring in ett ädlare, ett högre liv
med bättre syften, mera rena lagar.

Ring ut bekymren, sorgerna och nöden,
och ring den frusna tiden åter varm.
Ring ut till tystnad diktens gatularm,
men ring till sångarhjärtan skaparglöden.

Ring ut den stolthet, som blott räknar anor,
förtalets lömskhet, avundens försåt.
Ring in det rätta på triumfens stråt,
och ring till seger mänsklighetens fanor.

Ring, klocka, ring… och seklets krankhet vike;
det dagas, släktet fram i styrka går!
Ring ut, ring ut de tusen krigens år,
ring in den tusenåra fredens rike!

Ring in den tid, då andarna befrias
ur själviskhetens sammansnörda band.
Ring mörkrets skuggor bort ur alla land…

My 2009

A list I found on Matilda’s blog.

1. Did yo do something you’ve never done before?

Yes, my first night dive, my first marathon and took a climbing course.

2. Did you keep any of your new years resolutions?

Yes a few of them, most proud over being more environmentally friendly. Using very few plastic bags this year for exampel.

3. Did any of friends become parents this year?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die this year?

No.

5. Which countries did you visit?

Kenya, Denmark, Sweden, Germany and France.

6. Is there something missing year 2009 that you want year 2010?

Yes, but what I miss I will never get.

7. Which date from 2009 will you always remember?

2nd November.

8. What was your biggest success 2009?

Finishing the London Marathon and raising £1500 for the charity Lepra.

9. Biggest misstake?

Not seeing what was happening and for not trying harder.

10. Have you been sick or injured yourself?

Two minor running injuries, heels and iliotibial band. Problems with my neck giving me bad head aches.

11. Best buy?

The trip to Kenya.

12. What did you spend most on?

The Kenya trip, the climbing course and the trip to Germany.

13. Did someone make you really happy?

Yes he did.

14. Which songs will always remind you of 2009?

Leona Lewis – Happy
Ingrid Michaelson – Be OK
Nick Cave – To be by your side
Leona Lewis – Alive
Melissa Horn – Som jag hade dig förut
Lady Gaga – Bad Romance
Leona Lewis – Broken
Nick Cave – The Ship Song
Missy Higgins – Where I Stood
Marianne Faithfull – The Ballad of Lucy Jordan
Snow Patrol – Run
Jeff Buckley – Hallelujah
Nick Cave – The Weeping Song
Leona Lewis – Can’t Breathe
Gus – Don’t fear the Reaper
James Blunt – Goodbye my lover
Lady Gaga – Poker Face
Leonard Cohen – Waiting for the Miracle
Leona Lewis – My Hands
Dido – White Flag
Nelly Furtado – Try
Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars
Safri Duo – The Bongo Song
Lady Gaga – Paparazzi

15. Were you happier or sadder this year compared to previous years?

Happier the first 10 months then sadder then ever.

16. What do you wish you’ve done more?

Tried harder, loved more.

17. What do you wish you’ve done less?

Cry less and work less.

18. How do/did you spend christmas?

Mostly alone (by choice) but also watching Donald Duck at the Swedish pub and then midnight mass at the Swedish Church.

19. Did you fall in love this year?

No I was already in love.

20. Is there anything that could have made your year better?

Yes if I could have skipped these last two months.

21. What made you feel well?

A, and then all my lovely friends.

22. Who did you miss?

A

23. The best new people you meet?

Maria-Alexandra

24. Favorite TV programme?

Blood, Sweat and Takeaways

25. Best book?

Charles Clover – The End of the Line: How overfishing is Changing the World and What We Eat

Midnight mass

Yesterday was a strange day, got some unsuspected news on my way to see Donald Duck at the Swedish pub. It got me thinking a lot, I am at a crossroad in my life. My life is changing a lot and fast, I am not really sure which way to take. Although it feels like somone is pushing me in a certain direction, sort of testing me, but knows I can take every trial thrown at me. I don’t necessarily want to go there and if it was up to me I’d chose a different kind of life, but that doesn’t seem to be my destiny. However I am very excited, can’t wait for things to change as what I have now is not what I want.

In the evening yesterday I went to midnight mass at the Swedish church, it was a lovely mass. But it go me thinking even more. In the last few days I have made some changes in my life, one was not completely thought through but anyway it seems so very right. It had to be done. Someone really has a plan for me.

I was alone yesterday for christmas, alone out of choice as I have never had so many christmas invitations before. Even my ex husband invited me to spend christmas with him. I felt like being alone and I need to be alone. I have always said that christmas is what you make of it yourself, and all my christmases has been ok whether I have been working, alone, with friends or family. Some might not believe it but I actually like christmas, I just never get stuck in the hype, the stresses and the commercialism of it. For me christmas is about relaxing and reflecting, not drinking and spending money. If I can I love to spend it with loved ones, but I will not get stressed out if my circumstances prevents me from spending it with them.

Christmas is a time for charity to others, that is the true spirit of christmas. There are people out there who are alone, really alone and not by their own choice. We need to spare a thought for them and give them a helping hand. If you know of anyone who is alone invite them to join you or donate to charities like the Salvation army which helps homeless and lonely people.

But christmas is also for those who are walking the wrong path in life, the weak and the mean, if you are religious say a prayer for them and if you are not send them good thoughts instead.